yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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