So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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