Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
