i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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