Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
