This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
