White coat. Heels.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
