all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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