Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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