Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
