We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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