dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to make out with him forever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
