a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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