remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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