Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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