She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
