Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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