I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
