I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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