She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
