so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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