I cannot find my penis.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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