Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
