I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
