I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
