How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
