I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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