so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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