So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
