roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its liver damage thursday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
