please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
