Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize