then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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