I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
