My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
