Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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