Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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