your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
