sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
