I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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