did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
