**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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