I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
