exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
