There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
