i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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