if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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