i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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