your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
