i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
