So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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