Im at strip club and am horny
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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