I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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