the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
