Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
