Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
