Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
