I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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