Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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