I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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