The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
