Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
