Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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