Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
