Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
