pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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