I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
