And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
