Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
