In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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