just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
