My pussy is not your playground.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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