People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
